- Please don't play with me...my paper heart will bleed -

11:37AM

i feels like im all the way back in the beginning
and it feels so bad



food just doesnt taste so good today
i dont think i can even stomach even eating


i thought i was meant to cry myself to sleep
instead im afraid to sleep
because i know ill dream of him
and thats fucking torture
as if having to think about him every second im awake isnt enough


i never thought id be the girl who said
"i cant even look at another guy right now"
but here i am
doing exactly that


rejection
what a arse it is


even my body hurts thinking about it
noone really gets it
i dont want to have to drag myself out of bed
but my fuckinh tutors coming
and im hysterical
cheers head


what would it take to have him in my arms
i dont know
but i know i would give anything for it


right now i feel like such a waste of space
a waste of time
a waste of love


i have so much to give
but clearly not enough
im sorry i cantbe perfect yeah?


"please be home tonight, ill die if i dont get a chance to make this just right
im sorry but i cant, forget about the way i feel everytime your near...hopeless love..."

3:33PM

why does it feel like my whole world has just collapsed around me?

no one cares
or knows

i passedout this morning

and they LEFT me

alone..on the ground when i came too
how fucking shite is that

i have so much but i have nothing that i need
a mental breakdown at 16
good going yeah?


ive fell down
why doesnt anyone want to pick me up again?

i wish they would
i wish he would
i wish he still wanted to save me
and to make this pain go away


my mum wants me to go to the doctor
but nah...theyll shove some pills down my throat..
and ill be blissfully forgeting everything
ive lived in my head for too long
now im escaping and so is everything
i just want to be held
to be told
"im here for you"
saying it and meaning it are diffrent you know

lol..
i think im losing it

im going to start acting how i FEEL from now on
not how i want to feel
who am i kidding?
ill just depress everyone else

people will think this is a cry for attention
but its more a reminder that i exist
exist...i dont think this is ,living
im barely still here...

4:46PM

Yeah
so i met this boy today




He kissed my head before he left
and it made me go all shivery
i guess its a good sign
my gran does that and i think she likes melol



I want to strip it all back
back to the start...
when the only problems were,
how to explain the grass stains on our knees and not get caught drunk
when holding hands was still kindofa big deal
eating cherry lolipops
and the blue tunnel
making excuses just to touch each other



i think we still want those excuses
without the stress
i think i need this
so i can calm down
and get normal



i think he wants that too...


maybe if we worked...hard
and got it back
who knows eh?


im blowing my first wage on benfit make-up..easily

make me real pretty yeah?

10:34PM

7:39AM

10:16PM

5:35PM

3:42PM

4:40PM

Current mood: crazy

6:58PM

4:46PM

10:03PM

12:28AM

I LOVE

PHIL

CUZZZ...he gets me zambooooookkaaaaaaaa
LONG VODKARSSS are the future

haha...heated up pizza..
i think my hand shouldbe burning
but its no

LOL

xox

8:04PM

Current mood: contemplative

4:43PM

2:56PM

2:40PM

Current mood: raging homeFUCKINGwork

Current music: juliana theory-goodnight

12:08AM

first update of 2K6

ahhh yday was well funny
me a tee are amazin=)
LOOK

fucking tm'd =)

&&

our bodys are neh sexy =)


but so bizkits gran, she tried to get taylor to stick his head up her top haha
Tam and allan have
"wee wotsits between their legs"
=)

me and lynsey drink like jakeys at new year but...i love her too


ohhh yea...davids a cute yyin hahahaha
plz dont hit me


Went to davids today....was amazin...haha...devvo
the boys
a
beast
ILY♥


xoxo

Current mood: amused

9:44PM

wayyy last night was fun until i passed out on a cold bathroom floooorrr hahahaha =)

but ayyee pics =)






a lovers quarrel part II!!!


LOL



STUUNORS =) haha


haha squashyyy




lol its brotherly love really


aye this is a good yin ye canny see her face...hhaah


taylors chebbbss=)




blatently love him more than you =)

xoxox ♥

Current mood: chipper

Current music: jcb song waaayyy

9:18PM - Photobucket

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